We saw thousands of fans embrace American culture and the American way of life during the FIFA World Cup, but few players were as gung-ho as Norwegian striker Erling Haaland.
It sure seems like some of that good ol’ fashioned American spirit rubbed off on him during his stay.
The Manchester City star — who returned home with a stuffed booze bottle-wielding raccoon that is flying off shelves — shared a video of himself on a boat, hitting golf balls (biodegradable ones) off the boat and into the drink like a Nordic Cosmo Kramer, all while blasting the music of country songstress Ella Langley.
That was as American as it gets if you ignore the fjords and the fact that he posted the temperature in Celsius instead of the far superior Fahrenheit we use here in the US of A.
Making freezing 0 degrees and boiling 100 degrees is so predictable. I’m a 32 and 212 guy. Always will be.
Sure, golf isn’t an American game by birth, but I feel like we’re the kings of ripping tee shots off of things.
Cliffs, the beaches, the hood of your friend’s dad’s car, the Moon.
And throwing Ms. Langley’s tunes behind it all just sealed it in a nice red, white and blue package. It gave me a sudden hankering for apple pie and lighting an M80 with the end of a cigarette.
It might be time to have a discussion about giving Erling Haaland honorary U.S. citizenship. Sort of like how colleges will go, “Hey, thanks for telling these college graduates the same platitudes people use in every commencement address; here’s an honorary doctorate in, uh… well, I guess in whatever makes you happy.”
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I think we should offer that for those who exhibit an affinity for all things American, whether that’s hitting golf balls into the drink while listening to country music, housing a pastrami sandwich, or appreciating taxidermied raccoons.
They can get a tip of the cap from us born-and-bred Americans that shows how much we respect the way they embraced Americana.
Maybe honorary citizens don’t get to vote in elections or hold office, but they do get to wear Old Navy Fourth of July shirts without looking like posers.
