With the first real week of preseason football in the books, the regular season feels well within reach, and with that, the accoutrements that go along with it as well.
Of all the added fun to accompany an NFL season, nothing can top the excitement of fantasy football.
It has taken on a life of its own and has practically become its own sport, giving fans even more reason to tune into games they otherwise would have no interest in watching, and because we are so close to the start of the actual NFL season, that means fantasy football drafts are sure to follow.
While things like draft order and league rules are a topic of conversation at the start of any fantasy season, something that most leagues also try to get squared away on day one is the punishment for whoever finishes last.
Now, let me just say, I think “punishing” someone for finishing in last place for a game that is essentially chance and injury luck is kind of dumb on its face, but I have to admit there have been some humorous punishments in the past.
A personal favorite of mine was the guy who had to stay at a Waffle House for 24 hours, but each waffle he ate during that timespan knocked an hour off of his sentence.
It was funny and creative, but lately I feel like we’ve been getting less of both of those qualities in our fantasy football punishments.
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There’s a theory in the world of comedy called “the law of diminishing returns,” and I believe that’s what we are starting to see with fantasy punishments in today’s day and age.
I’m not saying we’ve seen every punishment imaginable – there are still some new and creative ones being explored – but by and large, they either feel like repeats or they just aren’t very funny.
Here’s one where the loser has to stand up in a public setting and tell everyone why he would make a bad boyfriend.
There’s nothing creative about it and it isn’t all that funny, it’s just kind of mean.
Then you had this one where the loser’s friends duct taped him to a chair and poured a bunch of food products onto him.
Again, not super funny or creative unless you’re a fan of frat initiations or interrogation tactics.
Everything just feels so forced and contrived these days. It’s almost as if the demand for good fantasy punishments is outweighing the supply.
They’re either too gimmicky, too mean-spirited, or something a 12-year-old would find funny.
“Hey dude, we made Brian stand on the street corner in a chicken suit with a sign that says ‘I SUCK AT FANTASY FOOTBALL.'”
Hilarious!
Also, he doesn’t “suck” at fantasy football. His starting wide receivers both blew their knees out before week five and his starting quarterback tripped on his kid’s skateboard and dislocated his elbow.
It’s called “bad luck” (not that I’m speaking from experience or anything).
If you can think of a creative and funny punishment, go for it. Otherwise, maybe skip that part and just pay the winner $100.
Losing is punishment enough, so pour out your friend’s coffee you mixed with laxatives, use the range balls for something other than target practice on his bare back, and for God’s sake, donate that stupid chicken suit to a local elementary school.
