Build it and they will come. The Thursday Night Mowing League mission to rewire the brains of over 40 million Americans who spend their weekends doing lawn chores is working after last week’s plea to FoxNews.com readers.
“So awesome to see there is a league for what my neighbors have been making fun of me for doing past 15 years!!” Rebecca, a new TNML fan wrote on Facebook, where membership shot up an astounding 600% over the last 28 days.
Americans who are laughing at Rebecca are, based on U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, spending two hours on lawn work on the day they decide to mow. Forty million Americans are losing those two hours on weekends. For U.S. men, it’s even more. The average male spends two hours and 15 minutes on lawn work.
Now for more sobering statistics. Americans, based on CDC life expectancy data, are alive for around 4,000 Saturdays. Men can expect to be alive for 3,990 Saturdays; women average around 4,245 Saturdays. Now extract your childhood Saturdays. Between the ages of 25 and 65, the prime years of life, you will enjoy 2,080 Saturdays.
Shall I go on? Let’s dig even deeper into these numbers.
Based on the active mowing season — roughly April through October — you get only 1,040 prime summer Saturdays during your entire adult life. That’s it. Just 1,040 afternoons to sit by the pool, play catch in the yard with your kids, or just relax and enjoy life on the patio.
There’s a simple solution: this league. What are you waiting for?
📩 Email: joe.kinsey@outkick.com or use my personal Gmail. Send your mowing reports, stripe photos, equipment upgrades, garage beer reviews, and league updates.
🐦 Twitter/X: @OutKickTNML Follow along for league news, drought reports, mowing conditions, and weekly action.
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Thank you to 2023 TNML national champion Timmy2Cuts for reminding us that there are moments in life that take precedence over mowing on a Thursday, as long as you don’t skip and then mow on Saturday. That’s a cardinal sin in this league. The good news for 2Cuts is that Mrs. 2Cuts is also married to this league. She gets it. They have like six kids. She wants her kids frolicking on the perfectly manicured turf on Saturdays as one big, happy family.
You know who didn’t think of the planet when they were engineering their mowers to help save the planet? The robotic mowing world. There’s news out of Europe that some governments are looking to ban the use of robot mowers at night to save the hedgehogs that forage at night.
Guess which mowing league isn’t mutilating hedgehogs? THIS ONE!
“Are you accidentally harming hedgehogs?” a headline read last month. Nope, not us. We’re making the world better for hedgehogs. We mow on Thursdays when there’s daylight.
You guys make the call.
